This is a very sensitive topic and in no way am I qualified to pass on any guidance. If you choose to act on any of the information I pass on in this blog you must take full responsibility for your own health.
When I first went to see a Councillor I actually got quite angry because she kept referring to my childhood. I resented the fact she was besmirching my family especially my parents. Of course as you do you go away and try to relive your memories to try to find a problem.
I was the middle child who didn’t quite shape up to the other members of the family. Often ignored, humoured, my little acheivements dismissed. While I was not mistreaed or neglected in any major way the lack of attention and validation culminated over time made me feel like a general disappointment as a human being. Inadequate. (thank you for this quote though not sure where I got it from)
I can so relate to this quote coming from a family of baby boomers five. Dad away at sea or being a workaholic. Poor mum just didn’t have the time.
Below are links to Councillors who will describe and have advice far better than I.
Dr Gabor, Dr Bessell van de Kolkata
Children experience a lot of things growing up that we as a society don’t call traumatic but can still be traumatizing to a child. Dr. Gabor Mate and Dr. Bessel van der Kolk have done a lot of research on this
When we experience chronic anxiety or depression there are unhealed or unresolved issues held in the body, so the past is not really in the past, it is still affecting us as an adult.
As children, we often diminish how bad an experience was and then we might block it out or push it away. Or we might judge ourselves for not “getting over it,” believing it wasn’t that bad. Or we might judge ourselves for how we handled the situation as a child.
Perhaps a caretaker told us it wasn’t that bad and we have no reason to feel _______________ (afraid, devastated, angry, terrified, etc.)
Diminishing an experience might be a necessary coping skill as a child, but as an adult it hinders our lives and/or shows up as anxiety or depression. Often the trauma is 0-3 so we don’t remember the original trauma with words, leaving us unaware of the root issues.
𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞!
Below are links to articles of use if you are researching this topic.
Not enough attention Tapping Script
Feel the emotion inside, expand it and then tap on.
Even though I didn’t get the attention I needed from my family when I was growing up I accept who I am.
Even though when growing up I needed more attention than I got I accept who I am.
Even though not getting enough of the attention I needed this made me feel unloved I accept this.
EB I didn’t get the attention I needed
SE It made me feel rejected
UE Not getting the attention made me feel alone
UN I didn’t feel seen
UM I didn’t feel heard
CB I didn’t feel important
UA Nobody interested
TOH I didn’t matter
EB No matter how hard I tried I just didn’t get the attention I needed
SE Not heard
UE Not seen
UN Just there
CB Don’t matter
TOH So sad
EB I know they didn’t know
SE I know they did their best
UE No time
UN So busy
UM Not enough time for all
UA. They didn’t know
CB. Just so busy
TOH Not enough time
EB I need to let the sadness go
SE So you are not like your family
UE So you didn’t do well at school
UN In all their eyes I was useless
UM OR is it all in my own mind
CB IS it me creating all this inferioty
UA Feeling inferior
TOH So inferior
EB BUT are you
SE You are You
UE You were made differently to them
UN YOU are you
UM You are an individual
CB Time to live by your standards
UA Time to release you
TOH Time to crack the protective shell you have hidden in
EB Hiding from pain
SE Hiding from conflict
UE Hiding from lonliness
UN Hiding from sadness
UM Hiding from myself
UA So insecure
TOH It is time to let it all go
EB You can put your head out there
SE Be the you that is hidden away
UE Release the sadness
UN You don’t need attention
UM You have attentionYou have YOU
CB. The past has faded away
UA The attention you need is with you
TOH Be YOU
Written with feeling by tapping4u
As usual you must take full responsibility for your own health